Saturday, April 24, 2010


My birthday is April First. Coincidence? I think not. Ironic, quite. As you can imagine this has been a very appealing (and ROUGH) day to have a birthday. My mom has made it a habit to always make me the weirdest, and sometimes gross, cakes. One year she made me a "brain cake." It was made out of jello, in the shape of a brain. When all was said and done, the thing looked exactly like what a Brain would. When I was in second grade, my mom brought that cake in to my class. We all thought that it was so cool. Once we all dug in and had a piece, my friend asked what it was, my mom (who is the one I get all my sarcasm from) replied (stoic, but believably) that is was horse brain. My friend promptly ran to the trash can and threw up. 'Nough said.

So this year I went home for my birthday (as it also happened to be Easter weekend), and I brought some of the coolest kids with me (All international Asian Students, the only way I do things). The list included Gunmo Kim, Jin-Seok Kim (unrelated), Mana Daitsu, and Shion Mitsuhashi. we all had a blast!As you can see from our faces, we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.

But the point of the story follows after this weekend. The day 4/10/2010. By this point the Hunt For The Goose (more to follow) was raging. To try and get ahead, or just scare the other team, I planned on kidnapping a member of the opposing team. I planned it all out; got my friends together (and might I add, if it weren't for me, half the things we did wouldn't be accomplished), got rope, found a car, got a good bag to cover the face of the victim, and everything.

We all went our own ways, to make things follow through correctly. And that was when I got a message on Facebook to arrive early. I thought (ignorantly) that the victim was arriving earlier than planned, if only I knew. I got there, waited around, and just like in a movie, Ifound out the guy we were suppose to kidnap knew what we had planned, and that is when it happened. Darkness. A bag, MY bag, descended on my head, a classmate tackled me, and my arms were pulled behind me.

But if you think that is the end of the story, think again.

Andrew Hoagland doesn't go down without a fight.

Mind you, you cannot see the time lapse, but it took a good 3-6 minutes to get me on the ground, bound and gagged. Not only that, but you can see the amount of people that were involved. All I knew was was that I was being kidnapped, some how the guy we were suppose to get knew, and now I was the one in the bag. Anyone would fight. Even if it was "friends."

But once they got me, there was still more of a battle for them to have. They tried to put me in the car, but I wouldn't allow that. I used all my force, all my calf muscles had to offer, all my Secret agent knowledge to use. And that was effective for about two minutes. But once in the car, and this is my shinning moment, I waited until the person (Owen Walsh) sat down in the seat across from me, and when he did, I used all the power I had to donkey kick him out of the car. A note, this guy was a miniture truck, but I was still able to send him rolling out of the car. Only to be tackled by him two seconds later.

They finally were able to get the car closed, and start off. But I was not done yet! As we drove, I slowly worked on the knots that held my hands. When Owen was getting to nosy (he noticed that I was unshackled) I karate chopped him in the neck. Not the smartest move, but that is when the fun really began. With Owen next to me, Adam Davenport behind me, Jessica Pezzente cackling in the back, and Jamie Griffiths and Gaby Gonzalez driving, I fought with everything I had. They kept trying to calm me down, but you do NOT kidnap someone, even a friend, and expect them to be calm.
Especailly Andrew Hoagland.
One, I am from Maine,
Two, Andrew is the one to initiate anything,
Three, I'm Andrew.
'Nough Said.

So after 10 minutes of kidnapping, 7 minutes of driving, and many gashes and brusies later, we arrived at Stuarts (One of the best Ice cream places EVER. It also sells gas...).

They claim it was a birthday present.
One, I planned it,
Two, it was a week late, and wouldn't have happened had I not planned it ALL,
Three, come on...

Am I saying I didn't have a good time?

but now I have Owen's blood forever on my favorite flannel.

And just a hint, next time someone tries to kidnap me, they better be ready.

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